Believe

How does your body hold belief?

In the fall of 1998 (whew child that’s a long time ago!) I started my sophomore year at Temple University’s Tyler School of Art where I’d be pursuing a B.F.A in graphic design. Part of the required curriculum was to take art electives in other disciplines. As a design major, we were heavily encouraged to take printmaking courses like lithography, linocut, or etching. I decided to sign up for serigraphy, also known as screen-printing.

The course was challenging. As an art school novice, the projects were a bit over my head, and I didn’t really vibe with the professor, but that was ok—I wasn’t there to be cool with her, I was there to learn. Over the semester falling in love with screen-printing did not happen as I had hoped. Screen-prints are generally beautiful, I love the results. But the process of making the stencils, applying the emulsion, burning the screens, printing and then stripping the screens was a lot.

Then came the semester review. This is when you meet with your professor one-on-one to discuss the body of work you produced, and you are given an analysis of your development throughout the course. Sitting in her tiny office piled with art books and prints, the professor shared that she could see I was struggling with the course content. She then asked, “What are your plans? What are you going to major in?” I confidently told her I was going to declare graphic design as my major, and she said to me, “You know, I don’t think you have what it takes to be a graphic designer.”

Gulp.

I can’t recall my verbal response, but I remember how her words felt in my body. They shocked me. Those words rang in my ears down through the center of my chest. They traveled through me but didn’t stay. My core rejected them. Because I did not believe her. I believed in myself.

I came to the art school program with ZERO experience. No art camps during my grade school years, no real exposure to the concepts of fine art or design. I had taken one art class the spring semester of my senior year in high school and two during my freshman year in college. With that, my portfolio was just not up to par, so it took me three tries to get accepted to the Tyler School of Art. I knew I was behind, so I was eager to catch up. There was a hunger for guidance and information. While it’s not always easy to take in harsh feedback I was open to it, yearning to learn more, to collect constructive criticism and direction as I embarked upon this creative path.

Because this professor was an artist, an educator, and an expert her assessment was important to me. But when she tried to speak onto my life without really knowing anything about me or having any genuine curiosity about my pursuits, my inner alarm went off. This professor, who was not even a graphic design instructor, tried to guide me away from something I knew with every fiber of my soul that I at least wanted to try.

My deep belief was stronger than her words and opinion. I knew what I was capable of, I knew that I could pursue this thing and that I had to see for myself if it was at all possible.

Later my semester review with my Intro to Graphic Design professor was a completely different experience. Honestly, I struggled in that course, too. She did not sugarcoat my shortcomings or try to mask that I had a lot of catching up to do, but she said she could see the potential. With my notebook in hand I feverishly captured her words of advice. She gave me names of artists and designers to research, exercises to try, and book titles to read. This professor encouraged me but reminded me that I had to be curious and put in the work to succeed.

Four years later, I graduated with the top design portfolio of the class. I went on to work as a graphic designer and then taught college level graphic design. I did in fact have what it took to be a graphic designer.

This is a reminder that it is vital for us to be grounded in who we are and what we believe we can do. This is not a permission slip to be delusional but to be clear about what is in your spirit. You know deep down what you’re capable of, you know what you can bring to the table and you know what you have in you to create.

Be careful who you let speak onto your life, especially before you even try the thing you know you want to do. Believe in yourself so deeply that when people challenge your pursuits, you’re not easily shaken off course. Constructive criticism is necessary. We can always take feedback but use discernment to determine if it really applies. Be curious about where the message is coming from. Ask, are these words in alignment with what I know to be true for me? Do I trust this person, do they know the journey? Be deeply rooted in yourself, in your capabilities, in your dreams, in your ambitions because people are always going to try to tell you who you should be and what you can or cannot do.

Until next time, consider this point of reflection and prompt for your creative practice:

Reflect:
Deep down, what do you believe you can create?

Prompt: So often we ignore what we feel in our body because we are unable to “logically” express what is going on—it’s something we just know. Believing is rooted in a knowing we sometimes can’t explain. Where do you feel belief in your body? In your chest, legs, back? Say any one of the following statements to yourself and pay attention to how those words feel in your body. Do they feel true for you? Whether they do or don’t, record a voice note or write in your journal on why?

I am an artist.

I am creative.

What I create is worthy of being expressed.

I am worthy of my creative dreams.

My art is powerful.